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| hello xanga, here i am writing to you again... i just finished the last post but right after i finished i decided to read my older posts... in comparison the older ones were so much more entertaining than the last one so i felt that i was not being true to you nor to myself so i shall rewrite a new post of what i originally intended on writing in the first post! so yesterday (Tuesday) was a pretty horrible day... i've been sick the past few days and i didn't get any calls/txts from perry asking how i was feeling and i guess that kinda made me sad... especially since i waited up til 3am for his call and he never did and i finally gave up and slept. why am i up this late today then? well i don't really want to sleep yet my mind's not prepared to sleep yet but my body/eyes are. You ever get that feeling? When there's so much on your mind that you don't want to sleep or not in the mood to sleep (HA! this would never happen if i was at school! who would ever be in the mood to NOT sleep?! blasphemy!!). But anyway... yesterday i was suppose to go get kbbq at Mana.. MMM i love mana's rice noodle side dish thingy... yeesh seriously they put rice wine or sake or something into that noodle that makes it sweeeeeet YUM. hmm maybe i'll take sam & jenah there one day? but anyway i was kinda left behind today. was suppose to go w/ perry & some other MIT ppl but i ended up not going cuz perry suggested that i stay home since i was sick... okay so i guess it was better that i stayed home sick & starving... i didn't have my first meal of the day until 7pm because my mom didn't make me any food today since i told her i was gona go out for kbbq. -harsh sigh- later on i had to make up an excuse of why i didn't go so i told her that since i got my period today i was feeling crampy and i didn't want to go anymore when on the contrary i did really want to go... i really really really wanted to go... i want those noodles dammit! lol the noodles @ mana are more imporatant to me than the meat HAHAHAA. lame. but yeah i cried most of my Tuesday away cuz i cancelled plans w/ other friends so i could go to kbbq but i ended up doing nothing but crying... i tried to distract myself w/ kdrama but it got tiring after a while cuz i was sick, in pain (from cramping), sad & hungry... those where the main recurring feelings of the day... -sigh- i don't think i've had this bad of a day this whole quarter.
i feel like i really miss someone right now but that someone... hmm i don't know where he is. he seemed to have disappeared temporarily & only his shell is there... his shell that boasts a different personality right now. so maybe in the end i should just avoid & distance myself. sometimes things w/ him seem so hopeless but then at the same time i feel like i'm just exaggerating it. yet like ramon said, "it sounds like you're not satisfied from what you're telling me" maybe i'm not. i'm not sure. i kinda came to the conclusion today that maybe i'm too young for a serious relationship... maybe i should just causally date. 0.o who knows.
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| Have you ever felt lonely? By lonely I mean that you feel that something's been taken away from you somehow & even though you may be surrounded by crowds, your heart still insists on feeling... well, alone. It's funny that humans are such social creatures. I wonder how that came to be... In addition, if the people around us are not similar to us in a certain way, we also feel lonely. In a study conducted by researchers, they found that senior citizens who were visited once a week (by a random stranger) lived significantly longer than those who did not have anyone visit them at all. I find myself to be quite interested in human behavior and emotion... I tend to see myself leaning more towards the social side but there are times that I wish I wasn't as social so at least then I could finally get some studying done instead of wanting to go hang out with friends all the time! But anyway, I'm stranding off of the original topic that I wanted to blog about today. So the way we are raised, does that determine how social we are in the future?
Sometimes I feel like I'm two conflicting persons in one body. I feel shy yet social. Is that possible? I don't know many people like myself. People usually tend to be one extreme or the other. I've been trying to rid of my shy side but so far little progress have been made... probably an minuscule amount of progress considering the time frame. I find it difficult to get close to a group of people. We all categorize people & it's nearly impossible for me to get close to large groups and I define large as (4+). I can't trust people and I feel like I won't let myself trust them. Hmm... should I just leave it as it is or should I even bother fixing it?
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| Yay survey time...
A - AVAILABLE: for hang out? yes. dating? no.
B - BIRTHDAY: November 21
C - CRUSHING ON: no one?
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Water
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: not sure...
F - FAVORITE SONG: not sure, only one - yellowcard?
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: either is fine... gummy worms are kinda fun to eat
H - HOMETOWN: highland park 8[ so ghetto
I - IN LOVE WITH: Pear pear 8]
J - JUGGLE: air
K - KILLED SOMEONE: never.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: las vegas.. otherwise one that felt the longest was from NYC to boston
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: plain ol' vanilla
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: henry!
O - ONE WISH: to be perfect
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: hoho
R - REASON TO SMILE: God
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: not sure
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: when dad called me at 9am and then when perry called me sometime around 11.
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: blue!
V - VEGETABLE(S): not a huge fan.. but i do like zucchini 8D
W - WORST HABIT: according to perry, i take 5 seconds to respond but otherwise, probably procrastination or not finishing my food/drinks
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: at the dentist?
Y - YOYOS ARE: kinda boring...
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: snake
RANDOM QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
Spell your name without vowels: CrTn
Your favorite number: 3
What color do you wear most?: yellow? navy blue? purple? i dunno.
Least favorite color?: pink
What are you listening to?: some dog barking in the background and a cricket outside my window
Are you happy with your life right now?: sure. could be better tho.
What is your favorite class in school?: wow.. hmm physics i guess...
Who is your best friend(s)?: quite a few people
When do you start back at school/college?: september
Are you outgoing?: can be.
Favorite pair of shoes?: i don't know...
Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?: no my tongue gets tired then i give up haha.
Can you whistle?: kinda.
Write with both hands?: i can write REALLY ugly and slowly with my left 8D
Cross your eyes?: yes.
Walk with your toes curled? Why? And how?: no.. that's painful..
THE DO'S
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: no.
Do you believe in miracles?: yes.
Do you believe in magic?: UHH probably not.
Love at first sight?: no, if it were possible, it wouldn't be called love would it?
Do you believe in Santa?: nope
Do you know how to swim?: somewhat hahaha.
Do you like roller coasters?: not really 8[
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: i used to think i so but not anymore
THE HAVES
Have you ever been on a plane?: of course
Have you ever asked someone out?: erm, yes if i'm already with them 8D
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: yes
Have you ever been to the ocean?: i live somewhat by the ocean yay for me!
Have you ever painted your nails?: yes
THE WHATS
What is the temperature outside?: not sure but it's pretty hot.. i miss la jolla! 8[
What radio station do you listen to?: if i'm in la: 106.7, 102.7, 103.5 in SD: 94.1?
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: din tai fung?
What was the last thing you bought?: bikini for friday!
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: kdrama: He Who Cannot Marry
THE WHOS
Who was the last person you IM'd?: pear pear 8]
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: UHHH this was really a long long time ago, probably my mom & henry
Who was the last person you said I love you to?: pear pear
CRYING SECTION
Ever really cried your heart out?: yep.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: yep.
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: not exactly shoulder but near it?
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: yep.
Do you cry when you get an injury?: only if i'm in excruciating pain
Do certain songs make you cry?: depends on the event and my mood.
HAPPY SECTION
Are you a happy person?: i'd like to think i generally am. at least more so than most.
What is your current hair color?: hopefully black
CURRENTLY WEARING
What shirt are you wearing?: a white & brown flowy shirt
Pants: faded dark blue shorts
Shoes?: bare foot!
Necklace?: nope
Underwear?: my blue undies
IN A BOY/GIRL
Favorite eye color: brown?
Short or long hair: depends on what suits him, but preferably not longer than my hair D8
Height: taller than me
HAVE YOU EVER
Been to jail: nope
Mooned someone: probably accidentally...
Thought about suicide: yep.
Laughed so hard you cried: yep.
Cried in school: yep.
Thrown up in a store: i think so?
Wanted to be a model: not sure/don't remember
Done something really stupid that you still laugh about: yep, those are called brain farts! hehe
Been on drugs: pharmaceuticals? i believe so.
Gone skinny dipping: no maybe someday if i own my own pool... bwahahaha
THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke: coke!
McDonald's or Burger King: neither? 8[
Single or Group Dates: Single. My group dates end up becoming single ones anyway.
Chocolate or Vanilla: depends on what
Strawberries or Blueberries: either.
Meat or Veggies: meat!
TV or Movie: depends
Guitar or Drums: dunno
Adidas or Nike: adidas
Chinese or Mexican: chinese?
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: cheerios
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| DESTRESS DESTRESS DESTRESS!!
before i continue.. i must blog this to remind myself in the future of how i somehow in someway survived this academic catastrophe...
Today (Monday): physics lab final
Tuesday: physics quiz on 2 chapters
Wednesday: chem quiz on 1 ch. and hw due
Thurs: programming (MAE9) final project due
Friday: math (vector calculus) hw due
Monday: physics final
Tues: MAE 9 final
Wednesday: chem and math final
if i come out alive and well.... i can do anything the future holds for me.
A
1- Available: almost always! i think...
2- Age: 19... hehehe still young!
3- Annoyance: guys who don't pull up their pants...
4- Animal: white tigers!!!!
B
5- Beer: never tried.. but doesn't smell good..
6- Birthday: nov. 21
7- Best Friend: no best. just close friends: zen, ann, jc, perry, sam, hung
8- Body Part on opposite sex: abs... and biceps!
9- Best feeling(s) in the world: joy! & knowing you are loved and not alone... pretty much knowing God's there for you.
10- Blind or Deaf: i'm neither? lol
11- Best weather: SUNSHINEEEEEEEEEE and it can't be cold either!
12- Been in Love: 8] AM in love!
13- Been on stage?: uhh plays in elementary count?
14- Believe in Magic: nope. miracles? yes.
15- Believe in Santa: no. he's too fat. he should've passed away due to heal problems by now.
C
16- Candy: no thanks?
17- Color: YELLOWW like sunshine!!
18- Chocolate/Vanilla: vanilla
19- Chinese/Mexican: ugh neither! i've had too much chinese food in my life and mexican food just doesn't appeal to me. but people? both are okay.
20- Cake or pie: CAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEE
21- Continent to visit: EUROPE!
22- Cheese: MMM parmesan!
D
23- Day or Night: SUNSHINEEE!!
24- Dance in the rain: hate the rain!
E
25- Eyes: brown
26- Everyone's got: lungs?
27- Ever failed a class?: well not fail.. but i got a D in ART hahahaha in 4th grade.. it was sad. i mean how do you get a D in art?!
F
28- First thoughts waking up: "ugh" on typical days... on sunny days... "YAY!!"
29- Food: is my poison ;_; i'ma be poor one day due to food...
G
30- Greatest Fear: heights and losing my support system
31- Goals: good grades? do something w/ my life...
32- Gum: makes me hungry. i no like!
33- Get along with your parents?: sometimes... more so w/ mom.. dad's just... just... ugh
34- Good luck charm: nothing 8[ i bring ppl bad luck! whenever they drive w/ me and i sit in shotgun, they always get lost...
H
35- Hair Color: originally black as a kid.. but now it's becoming brown.. 0.o
36- Height: 5'0
37- Happy: sometimes... when homework allows me to be 8[!
38- Holiday: i don't.. have.. any.. holidays.. oh chinese new years!! MONAAAY!! 8D
39- How do you want to die: by dying..
I
40- Ice Cream: don't like ice cream.. but if you must, cookies n' cream!
41- Instrument: are not my friends..
J
42- Jewelry: none! i'm a boy!
43- Job: none! i'm a bum!!
K
44- Kids: i want to adopt a white boy!!
45- Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing!
46- Keep a journal?: too lazy. i've already attempted 7 times.. never went past a week.
L
47- Love: is what brings the utmost joy and utmost sorrow. it's what keeps us alive and gives life a purpose
48- Letter: uhh?? i prefer emails.
49- Laughed so hard you cried: well didn't "cry" but teared up.
M
50- Milk flavor: regular. cow?
51- Movies: comedies, romance-comedies, action
52- Motion sickness?: NEVER. although i started to get sea sick once after being on a boat for 6 days
53- McD’s or BK: ewww
N
54- Number: 3
55- One wish: a brilliant mind.
P
56- Perfect Pizza: bleh. sausage/pineapple/MUSHROOMS ARE A MUST
57- Pepsi/Coke: coke!!!
Q
58- Quail: man? from doug? yes i like quails.. quail eggs less so.. you can't blame me!! i'm asian!!
R
59- Reason to cry: because your eyes are dry.
60- Reality T.V.: too much drama for me -_-
61- Radio Station: 106.7 kroq!
62- Roll your tongue in a circle: yeppidy doo
63- Ring size: no idea. but i don't have fat fingers that's for sure!
S
64- Song: at the moment? what about now - daughtry
65- Shoe size: too small.. just too small... i blame my grandma
66- Salad Dressing: 8[ i don't like salads.. but i do like ranch!
67- Sushi: can be sickening very quickly!
68- Slept outside: uhh don't think so... or maybe i did on some lawn/park.. but i did fall asleep while i was on the toilet when i was a kid!
69- Smoked?: second hand! 8[
70- Skinny dipped?: i wish. maybe someday
71- Shower daily?: the engineering profession apparently doesn't like this idea..
72- Sing well?: no.
73- In the shower?: no. we have paper thin walls and i don't like to torture ppl w/ my voice.. i mean i already talk a lot as it is..
74- Strawberries/Blueberries: blueberries.. i don't like strawberries plain
T
75-Tattoos?: nah. i like my natural skin!
76- Time for bed: whenever homework allows me to & whenever i want to.
77- Thunderstorms: are scary!
U
78- Unpredictable: to some people..
V
79- Vacation spot: ITALY ITALY ITALY!!
W
80- Weakness: i'm VERY ticklish.. besides that.. GOOD food.
81- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: no one.. sadly. or thankfully? I'M UNIQUE bwahaha
82- Who makes you laugh the most: perry
83- Worst feeling: heart drops
84- Wanted to be a model: never!! ever since i was a kid my mom told me i was too short.
85- Where do we go when we die?: heaven or hell... mostly hell
86- Worst Weather: COLD DAYSSS
X
87- X-Rays: que?
88- Ex's: 1.5?
Y
89-Year it is now: 2009
90-Yellow: I LOVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE oh so dearly! my first love..15 years now.
Z
91- Zoo animal: are depressing.. they're stuck in them little cages!! 8[ cannot roam free
LAST PERSON WHO…
92. You fell asleep next to? mama hung
93. You went to the mall with? zen&ann
94.You went to dinner with? hanny, phoebe, anh, darlene
95.You talked to on the phone? perry
96.Made you laugh? hanny
97.Hugged you? don't remember. darlene?
98.Said they loved you? perry
99.Held your hand? perry
100. Spoke with? hung
101.You cried over? myself.
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| HELLOOOOOOOO xanga! it's been forever since i last posted... i've been so busy w/ engineering ;_; but it's okay! cuz science is interesting/fun sometimes... more so interesting than fun though. Anyway, i just got back from my math midterm massacre. ;_; that midterm was hard and long... i really do hope prof sterbenz curves it VERY nicely hahaha but i doubt it boohoo.. anyway i have a chem review session in about 1.5 hours so in the mean time i'm gona take a break and do this survey and then study and then leave. i stole this survey from facebook.. bwahahaha!
001. Real name → Cara Tan
002. Nickname(s)→ Car, car car, carsi, carrot, cars
003. Zodiac sign → Scorpio
004. Male or female → female
005. Elementary → Monte Vista/Sycamore Grove
006. Middle School → Sycamore Grove
007. High School → Eagle Rock
008. Hair color → originally black but it's turning brown... 0.o
009. Long or short → LONG
010. Loud or Quiet → usually loud...
011. Sweats or Jeans → sweats!
012. Phone or Camera → phone
013. Health freak → sometimes... 08]
014. Drink or Smoke? → nooooope
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → of course. maybe.
016. Eat or Drink → eat?
017. Piercings → 2
018. Tattoos → 0
HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane→ yep! gona be on one again in a few weeks!! wee can't wait!
020. Been in a relationship → in one right now
021. Been in a car accident → yep. sadly...
022. Been in a fist fight → i'm too tiny! 8[
FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → ears
024. First best friend → audrey
025. First award → uhh a long time ago. it might've been a star sticker from 1st grade or something...
026. First crush → tony
027. First kiss → hmm...
028. First big vacation → china
LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → hanny
030. Last person you texted → i don't txt.. so i don't remember
031. Last person you watched a movie with → last movie i watched, i watched by myself.. but besides that i saw part of walle w/ hanny... and besides that i saw a whole movie (Guess Who) w/ darlene, hung, richard, hanny, anh, & stephen
032. Last food you ate → orange chicken from CV
033. Last movie you watched → Wanted! 8]
034. Last song you listened to → my ring tone.. so owl city - captains & cruise ships
035. Last thing you bought → tapioca express food! fried calamari & crispy chicken combo. with meal pts, i got orange chicken & naked juice
036. Last person you hugged → hungus
FAVES:
037. Food → diff types of steak, RIBS RIBS RIBS!!, them crunch&soft egg noodles, sweet & sour pork, walnut shrimp
038. Drinks → juice... well nothing lately.. except i have been hooked on almond milk tea..
039. Clothing → uhh regular clothes? comfy clothes?
040. Flower → lilies!
041. Restaurant → hmm it's pretty random... i like restaurant-ing so i don't really have a particular favorite but i do have favorites of particular foods from particular restaurants... cuz i'm so particular xD
042. Colors → yellow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then gray & darkish/navy blue
043. Movies → how to lose a guy in 10 days, pride & prejudice, guess who, before sunrise? sunset? whichever came first.
044. Subjects → err physics? it's a love hate thing...
IN 2008..... I
045. [x] kissed someone
046. [ ]celebrated Halloween
047. [x] had your heart broken
048. [x] went over the minutes on your cell phone
049. [x] questioned someone's sexual orientation
050. [ ] came out of the closet
051. [ ] gotten pregnant
052. [ ] had an abortion
053. [x]done something you've regretted
054. [x] broke a promise
055. [x] hid a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [x] met someone who changed your life
058. [ ] pretended to be sick
059. [ ] left the country
060. [ ] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
061. [x] cried over the silliest thing
062. [x] ran a mile
063. [x] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [x] hated someone
066. [ ] stayed single the whole year
CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → air
068. Drinking → air
069. I'm about to → study & go to review session & be miserable until the end of tomo
070. Listening to → the humming noise my fishy tank filter makes... and the humming noise from the engineering buildings
071. Plans for today → class, study, midterm, study, review session, study. and w/ time to eat, shower, chill sprinkled here and there
072. Waiting for → midterm week to be over... or just to finish my phys ch and progress in chem.
YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → probably. i want a girl!
074. Want to get married? → of course? hopefully.
075. Careers in mind → mech engineering management bwaaahahahhaaa!!
WHICH IS BETTER WITH BOY?
076. Lips or eyes → eyes? but i don't like thin lips too much either... & it's perry's fault for this!!
077. Shorter or taller? → taller... omb, it'll be sad if a guy was ever shorter than me. hahhaha
078. Romantic or spontaneous → romantic is nice.. spontaneous from time to time
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → omb i can't choose! those are both my favorite... but i think nice arms have a little more advantage.. tehehehe 8P
080. Sensitive or loud → i don't know... preferably not TOO sensitive.. cuz you can't have 2 sensitive ppl in a relationship, you'll just never get anywhere during fights!
081. Hook-up or relationship → relationship
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → not too hesitant but not a trouble-maker either... hmm let's just say mature but knows when to have fun 8]
HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → nope!
084. Ran away from home → technically yes.
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → lol
086. Killed somebody → lol!
087. Broken someone's heart → maybe? dunno.
088. Broken a Bone → nooope
089. Cried when someone died → don't think so.. or teared up but not enough to consider it as "crying"
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → perry does ^_^ & usually that's all i need to get goin'!
091. Miracles → yes!
092. Love at first sight → NO WAY.
093. Heaven → yep!
094. Santa Claus → an obese man like that should NOT be able to do what he does w/o having a heart attack and dying 29879238792347982423978584765 years ago.
095. Sex on the first date → never.
096. Kiss on the first date → perhaps... depends whether i've known the person for a long time or it was a blind date sorta thing or i just met him.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → of course!! he's across the nation tho 8[!!
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → yeah i suppose... i'm pretty happy.. i'm happy 85% of the time lol
099. Do you believe in God → OF COURSE!
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